Misery Season

It's that time of the year again, wherein I go through an emotional roller coaster not knowing if I am just overthinking things or the past is hitting me in the face. It just so happens that these events occur within July to September. Sadly, my birthday is within those months.

For the past weeks, there were random times I would start crying because of a feeling that keeps penetrating my heart and lungs until my eyes could no longer bring out tears. The pain results to me having lack of sleep and swollen eyes that I have to make up a dumb excuse like "I just read a sad story last night." and add a smile with that statement to make it more convincing. Sometimes, I just keep quiet and focus on my work. This is probably the feeling of emptiness or abandonment (or maybe both). It's strange I'm having the same feelings I had 2 years ago but the events back then were worse because I made myself look like a fool for 2 months believing in something that was no longer there.

Nothing to worry, I'm sure this feeling will disappear soon since it is already mid-August meaning, I'm already half way through the misery season. I just hope that I'll be able to sleep properly next week.

Endings

I finished reading chapter 84 of Kaichou wa Maid-sama this morning. I wanted to read chapter 85 but it will take a while until they release the English translation, so I just scanned through the raw version and searched for the plot. It turns out that chapter is already the finale. For the past months, I have been watching anime online and reading some manga in my phone. Once I reach the last episode/chapter, I start feeling sad and ask myself "Now what?" Even though it only takes me a few days (weeks if I'm reading) to finishing watching a series, there is this feeling of attachment. After scanning through chapter 85, I came to realize that everything comes to an end.

Endings usually give a happy or sad feeling but the only way to get over it is to move forward, just like school. I will be graduating in a few months and graduation might be the most emotional event, not only in my college life but my OBMC life. Being in the school for 14 years has developed me into loving the environment. Despite the changes and complaints my classmates & I had throughout those years, I am not ashamed to say that I love the school and I am thankful I ended up there when I transferred from Canada. However, I have to let it go even though it hurts to leave. Reminiscing on the good days is alright, but dwelling on it won't be good for anyone.

I would like to think of my life as a manga. A whole series is divided into volumes with a certain number of chapters in each of them. As you read each chapter, you begin to understand the story. You remember a few scenes, which was shown in the previous chapter or volume, and be amazed by the changes of the characters as you are on the way to the ending. Once you are done reading, you may have a tendency to go back to a few chapters to reminisce on those great moments in the story.

Funny how a manga made me think deeply that it lead me into creating a blog post. I guess, I take simple things too deeply sometimes.

Titanic

Last Tuesday night, I saw a tweet saying that Titanic was on Star Movies. The last time I watched it was back in 1998, so I took the opportunity to watch it and refresh my memory to see if I'll understand the story this time. When I switched the channel to Star Movies, the scene was when Jack shouted "I'm the king of the world!" I was late but thankfully, not that late.

While watching the movie, my emotions started changing for I understood the things I didn't understand before. Like: how Jack saved Rose from committing suicide, the real reason why Cal carried the kid with him, and the meaning of Rose's "I'll never let go" promise to Jack. It made all sense to me, especially the promise part. However, I couldn't believe Cal saved the kid was just so he could get on a lifeboat. I mean, back when I was 6 years old, I thought he was doing a good deed. His action was good, but his intention wasn't.

As for the promise of Rose, when Jack told her to promise him to never let go, he didn't mean his hand; it was her promise, which was to survive, continue living, and die warm on her bed as an old woman. So it was a promise within a promise.

I must say, Jack & Rose's love story is (so far) the best one I have ever seen, even better than the ones in anime. Jack cared about Rose's future, Rose went through the cold water just to save him, and they both trusted each other. It was just really sad Jack died; leaving Rose to live the rest of her life without him but she never broke her promise, which is why they reunited in the end.

The result of watching Titanic after 15 years was me in tears because I understood it as a really sad story. Sure it was a happy ending, but the fact Jack & Rose said "I trust you" more than "I love you" just hit me deep. As the days go by, I hope the story of the movie slowly sinks in as a reflection to my present life.

Burger Night!

I have been feeling fatigue for the past days, and sadly my appetite got affected by it that oatmeal was the only food I ate. Thankfully, there's no school tomorrow, so I can relax tonight. For dinner, I decided to cook some of the burger patties I made yesterday.

(Supposedly) Loco Moco and Doughnut Burger (inspired by Zark's Luther Burger)

The dishes I have prepared were Loco Moco and a Doughnut Burger sandwich. My comment for the first dish: I made an error on the egg because it was supposed to be sunny-side up, but the yolk broke so I made it a (overcooked) scrambled egg instead. Also, I couldn't make the gravy. It was still good nevertheless. For the doughnut burger, on the other hand: It was inspired by Zark's Luther Burger. Although I don't know how their burger tastes like since I just heard about it from Enzo. The taste wasn't as bad (and fatty) as I thought, for the doughnut's sweetness complemented the burger's strong flavor.

Good news: My appetite came back so I'm starting to feel better!
Bad news: I gained back the weight I lost for the past days...

Well, that's all I will say in this post. I need to find something I can do next week.

Mini Hawaiian

While I was preparing some Loco Moco burger patties, this afternoon, an idea suddenly came up. Loco Moco is a Hawaiian dish and there were some King's Hawaiian Sweet Rolls on the dining table, so why not put the two Hawaiian products together? And I did that.

This was the result:

I call it "Mini Hawaiian"

It isn't an extraordinary burger but I was happy that the taste and texture was great. (I think the size of the patty needs to be a bit smaller though) Hope I would be able to make more of these once I get the chance to buy another pack of sweet rolls!