Forgotten Post

These past few days have been bringing me down to the dumps because of what happened 2 weeks ago. As much as I thought I moved on, (and wanted to) some news just had to show up to pull me down again. Yeah, it shouldn't matter anymore but the fact it happened a few days after the break up, really crushed my heart. I started asking myself "Was I that worthless to be replaced that fast? Did I really mean no value to him?" Those thoughts kept bothering me that it built up inside me for days until the evening I burst into tears after work. Others had no clue what was wrong and as much as I wanted to tell them, I lacked breath to speak and the tears wouldn't stop. I ended up saying all of my feelings to my sister when I got home.

Last Wednesday afternoon, I went through my old blog posts and read each and every one of them. There was a paragraph that mentioned about losing someone. As I was reading it, my eyes started going teary and said to myself "How could I have forgotten about this? This was the talk that made me finally decide to let go of that hurt and lift it up to the Lord. Oh, how I miss attending The Feast every Sunday..." Seeing that post was no coincidence, I am sure God let it happen to remind me that I should forget it, move on and heal from this experience. One friend even told me that even if one guy dumped me, there are other people who love me for who I really am. I admit that I am still hurt but this is just another storm I have to face for the coming brighter days. If I continue to dwell on it, I will surely drown in its flood.

I was scrolling through some photos early this afternoon, and one caught my attention for it showed how it should be now. (I don't know from which manga it is though)

First Anniversary

Oh how time flies, as if it was just a month ago when that day happened. I can still remember how the sky looked that morning as I was brisk walking to the hotel for my internship orientation. Feeling excited yet nervous for whatever may happen on that day. I entered the training room and was happy to see three of the people I became acquainted with during our interview, which meant that they also decided to take their internship in the company. After that day, I felt more excited for my first day in the assigned department and outlet with my batchmate, Carmela. Thus, November 11th of the year 2013 was the beginning of a new adventure for us.

Sunday Morning Rain

I left for work at a quarter to 5 o'clock in the morning. Instead of walking with a cool morning breeze, it was a morning rain. As I was walking along one of the district's main avenues, I felt the urge of crying because I started to remember some happy memories... and maybe because of something I found out last night which hurt me. Although I got hurt by that, my heart feels numb as if I'm already used to it — being replaced. The worse thing about this recent news is the fact I got replaced within a week probably because I went against what that person wanted.

Feelings

I watched this video the other day and it affected me a lot.

<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/QFoia55l72Y" width="480"></iframe>

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QFoia55l72Y

On the guy's point of view, I would get hurt as well. Noticing my girlfriend's change of mood as if she is irritated with my presence, quickly grabbing her phone just so I wouldn't see the name of the caller, and seeing her cheating right before my eyes. Although the guy had a fault for not letting her know that he had a part-time job nor voicing out his feelings. Of course, his girlfriend wouldn't realize she's already hurting him if he isn't saying anything. I mean, opening up to your partner is a way to make the relationship work, right?

On the girl's point of view, she was feeling lonely because she had no idea what her boyfriend was doing. Thus, she started spending time with another guy. The lack of communication is one factor on why she started cheating on him. However, she didn't voice out her feelings as well and she was expecting too much. See the scene where she asked when would they have a car and the guy replied "Want to ride a nice car? I'll take care of that!" but it turned out to be a joke, which irritated her? It showed that she was really expecting that they would ride a nice car. She could have told him that the joke wasn't funny or something like that.

I am not being biased on either side because I can understand how both of them felt. But like how it is said in the lyrics "If you still care for me, I'd like you to reconsider how I feel." Cheating isn't a solution; it's a choice. You choose a path for your own happiness, forgetting that the person you are cheating on is a human being with feelings too. Yeah, maybe he/she will never know but what if others like your mutual friends saw you? Then you're in for a mess. I find it sad that something like this is becoming quite common nowadays.

Guys, don't be afraid to voice out your feelings to one another, especially to your partners. There may be times they will be against you or think that you are just being so dramatic, but keeping those feelings inside or telling them to others instead of the person himself/herself won't make you feel better. (It might even worsen the situation.) Do your part and calmly tell them how you feel.

Misery Season

It's that time of the year again, wherein I go through an emotional roller coaster not knowing if I am just overthinking things or the past is hitting me in the face. It just so happens that these events occur within July to September. Sadly, my birthday is within those months.

For the past weeks, there were random times I would start crying because of a feeling that keeps penetrating my heart and lungs until my eyes could no longer bring out tears. The pain results to me having lack of sleep and swollen eyes that I have to make up a dumb excuse like "I just read a sad story last night." and add a smile with that statement to make it more convincing. Sometimes, I just keep quiet and focus on my work. This is probably the feeling of emptiness or abandonment (or maybe both). It's strange I'm having the same feelings I had 2 years ago but the events back then were worse because I made myself look like a fool for 2 months believing in something that was no longer there.

Nothing to worry, I'm sure this feeling will disappear soon since it is already mid-August meaning, I'm already half way through the misery season. I just hope that I'll be able to sleep properly next week.