Empty Feeling

It's been a while since I laid hands on my laptop to create a blog post. Honestly, I'm still having thoughts if I should return to blogging or just move on and find something else to do.

I graduated college 4 years ago. In my mind back then, all I was thinking was to work in the company where I had my internship just so I would earn my own money. It worked, and I'm still there. Still there... I mean, there is nothing wrong in staying in the same company for years. Loyalty is good. It's something you should have in yourself. However, if you feel that you need to do something else to feel fulfilled, then it could mean you have a longing for growth. That's what I have been thinking over for the past years.

Maybe I'm not motivated; still confused; scared; or just stressing over the "midlife crisis". I don't know, really. 

There is just something empty in me that I want to do regularly besides going to work and tweeting my thoughts. I feel there is something that wants to break free and develop. Could this be my passion speaking to me? Who knows.

Human Nature Pollution Defense

Living in one of the Philippines' busy cities, air pollution is everywhere and there is no way to avoid it (unless you prefer to stay indoors without opening your windows). With this kind of environment, it is common for our skin to get stressed and sometimes have breakouts.

Human Nature recently released a product called "Pollution Defense Face Mask". This item caught my attention as I was scrolling through my Facebook feed one evening. At that time, I was still using a charcoal peel-off mask, which I later found out was not advisable to use for the face as it pulls out not only blackheads and whiteheads, but also vellus hair. I learned that the painful way (ouch!).

I bought the face mask from one of their flagship stores and was excited to try it out! This being a natural product, it doesn't contain those harmful chemicals you see in other commercial facial products. So let's start the review!

I washed my face before applying the clay. Unlike the other face masks I tried out, this one was easy to apply and spread out as it was not sticky. It also has a scent, which I still cannot distinguish if it's the mineral, moringa seed extract, charcoal or passion fruit seed oil. Until now, I am sniffing my finger trying to figure out what it is. Anyway, as I left it to dry, I felt a bit of tingling on my face (probably the clay pulling out the impurities on my skin). The clay dried up quickly as I only applied a thin layer. After rinsing, my face felt refreshed! I looked at myself in the mirror and noticed most of the little bumps on my nose were gone. It seemed more effective than the peel-off mask I have been using. Although, I should have left the mask on for a few more minutes.

For those who are having thoughts if they should buy the product or not, I recommend that you do. Especially while they are still selling it in introductory price, which is Php395 (SRP is Php450). As it says on the bottle, "Take the city out of your skin!"

That Gloomy Afternoon

Cold winds and gloomy sky. Rainy season is definitely here. I, personally, like it when it rains; especially during the daytime​. It helps cool down the temperature in this hot country (sort of).

This afternoon, it seemed to be close to my ideal look of a nice gloomy​ sky. That short moment looking at it made me feel nostalgia and melancholic. It's strange though, I like that feeling whenever I am by myself. There is just something that gives me a seemingly tranquil feeling when I see something abstract to sadness. Strange, isn't it?

Don't get me wrong, I'm not cold-hearted or what others call "emo". I just really see things differently sometimes. Seeing the happiness in sadness. 

The Sunflower Seed

(Source: http://www.rodalesorganiclife.com/sites/rodalesorganiclife.com/files/styles/slideshow-desktop/public/growingsunflowers_amenic181_102522.jpg?itok=hWmbrUXw)

Almost 7 years have passed and the little sunflower seed has already grown into one beautiful flower. Although all alone, the flower enjoyed the solitude. Not because it hated people, but because it did not want to commit the same mistake its past self did — give in to the short term of tender, love, and care.

Back then, the dead sunflower hoped someone would pick up its seed to let it grow but only to realize no one did. Hurt by the past and realization, the little sunflower seed decided to hide itself in the ground; away from the possibility of getting hurt by someone like the stranger. No one ever noticed the sunflower's presence since then.

As time passed, the sunflower started sprouting out of the ground. Not knowing what was going on nor how this was happening, it started to see the outside world again. From all its time hiding with fear, it forgot the beauty of the world it lives in.

During the growth, the sunflower decided to build itself again and hoped a kind stranger would pick it up from the ground. People passed by and admired the sunflower's appearance. Some tried to pick it, but Mother Nature made Her way for those people to go away. Feeling worthless, the sunflower started to lose hope that it wanted to hide in the soil again, but couldn't because the ground was too far for it to reach back. It had no choice but to continue growing.

The growing sunflower did not realize that even though it hid itself from everything and everyone for the past years, Mother Nature was with it all this time. She protected the sunflower seed from harm with Her soil and gave it water for nourishment during its healing process. All She wanted was the sunflower to live a new and better life because She loved it so much.

Years have already passed and the sunflower learned to enjoy solitude yet appreciate the company of some people. Then one day, a young stranger came and looked at the sunflower as if it was a new plant to him. The stranger did not stay long though he would pass by every other week just to see it. The sunflower somehow felt attracted to him but did not want to commit the same mistake it did years ago.

After a while, the stranger would pass by more often and started staying longer than usual. The sunflower, enjoying the stranger's company, started to have feelings for him but did not want it to develop through fear of being hurt again.

The stranger wasn't being assertive yet he showed the flower his feelings towards it; however, he did not want to pick it from the ground because that would destroy its growth. The sunflower, more mature than before, understood the stranger and decided to continue growing not for him, but for itself. They both grew a more loving relationship since then.

Hole in the Heart

I've been feeling down for the past days, so down that I hardly had an appetite. It even reached to the point that smiling was difficult and the urge to break down was so easy. I can still remember what happened that evening, as if my memory keeps replaying it inside my head.

This pain I'm feeling is worse than my past break ups and the reckless accident I had last week (which caused a medium bruise on my left arm). It's the feeling of losing a close dear friend because of a decision that had to be made. I was warned but I couldn't stand seeing them getting hurt anymore. A friend told me if I made the situation last longer, the more painful it will be because of the memories we had together and he was right.

Right now, I feel a big hole in my heart and a wall between us. We might reconcile in the future but there will still be that gap because things won't be the same again. One thing that will hurt even more if he hurts himself (in any way) and decides to resign because of me...

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